Week Ten - Chapter 16

Wow, the final week of class.  It went by so quickly!

After reading this chapter I was thinking about a movie I saw a few years ago - One True Thing..  Not the greatest movie of all time, but there were many elements of the movie that resonated with me and have stayed with me over time.  Largely I guess was the process of losing your mother to cancer, watching it happen..  This wasn't my experience so much, I was much younger when I lost my mom, but it still touched on some points.  One of the things I liked about the film is that the main character only really comes to know and respect her mother on the cusp of losing her, and at the same time, her father who she had held in high regard, ceases to be on such a pedestal and becomes human.  It was a portrait of how life-changing illness and death can be, and while death is often very sad, there are some positive things that can come out of such an intense process.

The other thing that this movie and the text touched on was euthanasia - something I have thought a great deal about after watching my mother's decline and and wondering why she never considered this option.  I never asked her about it when she was sick - in fact I can't really say I ever thought about it when she was sick..  I am not entirely sure I actually believed she would die, even though we were told she was terminal.  I imagine she didn't want to leave my sister and I any earlier than she had to, but in retrospect I wish I had talked to her about it.  But then there are so many things I wish I had talked to her about - or had the chance to talk to her about.  (I digress)  I have never understood the oppostion to euthanasia for terminal patients.  I am not a religious person, so maybe that is where my lack of understanding lies.  It just seems cruel to allow people to suffer when they don't need to.  (And to accumulate massive hospital bills...)

I am not sure if I am afraid of dying or not.  I don't relish the idea of being in a lot of pain..  Like I said, I am not religious and my notion of the afterlife is more a lack, an unbeing..  But this is something of a comfort to me rather than the idea that we go on and on.  The only thing I can really say is that I am scared of leaving my kids..  Of course they are really little right now and once they are grown I won't feel so worried about it, but I think having my mom die early has made me a little worried about leaving my kids.  It wasn't so great once she died, there didn't seem to be any plan for where my sister and I would live and there was a great deal of upheaval and no sense of security..  That would never happen with my kids, but still I have that worry..  Being at midlife has brought the idea of more time behind me than in front of me, and of attempting to make the most of my life every day.  I am happier now than I have ever been, which is pretty fantastic..

Anyway I will stop rambling.. Thanks for the class!  It was really interesting and enlightening!  I am sure I will take parts of it with me to use in the future...  :)

Week Nine - Chapters 14 & 15

I have thought a lot lately about Alzheimer’s and dementia.  After doing the NAC course and working briefly in a long term care facility, I found that I was drawn to the patients suffering from dementia – they often needed more attention and patience, which was hard for the nurses to give, but a little easier for student NAC’s with no set responsibilities.  What amazed me was how quickly dementia can take over – how fast a patient can deteriorate.  In the short time I was at this facility I had a patient who went from mobile and articulate (if not rational) to incapacitated and bed-ridden.  It seems like it can tear through a person’s mind, wreaking havoc, and it can proceed gradually until the day that it decides its time to take over.

Alzheimer’s is especially a cruel disease, to both the sufferer as well as their family.  What moved me the most about the documentary “The Forgetting” was listening to the families talk about the loss they were experiencing, even though the person was still physically right there.  I can’t imagine how difficult that would be, it almost seems like a form of torture – to have your mother sitting there, but not really be there. 

In the NAC course I took, the instructor talked a lot about a dementia expert named Teepa Snow.  We watched some videos with Teepa and read some of her writing, and she really had some helpful information to offer regarding how to interact with dementia and Alzheimer’s patients.  The videos especially were helpful in observing techniques and methods of dealing with people with dementia – she was very good at explaining the why’s and how’s, and in demonstrating various scenarios..  Anyway the documentary we watched this week about Alzheimer’s made me think a lot about the previous stuff I had read and observations I had personally made in my work.  I don’t know what I would do if I at some point received a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s for myself.  Or my spouse..  It just leaves me feeling black and empty inside to think of it.

Week Eight - Chapters 12 & 13

Was it just me or were there more readings this week than in previous?  Possibly I just found this week a bit more of a slog than other weeks - though there were aspects of the readings that I thought were interesting, overall I have to say this was not the most stimulating of weeks (ironic as I think this is the grouping into which I belong..)

Most of the readings I found to be accurate, I had no argument with anything I read - which may have been the problem, there was no moment of lightbulbs going off above my head, no moment when everything kind of came together.  It was all very straightforward.  The article "Midlife Myths" seemed to explain everything from the other readings fairly succinctly - being at a place in life where on one hand there are less worries to figure out where to go and what to be (because you are in the middle of doing it) though that is balanced by the stresses of caring for others, be it children and/or aging parents.

The one thing in that article that did really catch my eye (and make me laugh) was a description of a lawyer who was quoted as saying "This is being a lawyer? I'd rather be a kid wanting to be a lawyer."  I feel like that happens a lot.  Or at least has happened to me a lot.  I have gone through several stages of life where I thought I wanted to be something or other, but when the reality of it set in I found that it was not at all what I wanted.  It is so difficult as a younger person to comprehend what a particular job is actually comprised of.  I wish I had been more of a go-getter and done more volunteering or an internship or work placement.  The problem being that everything takes time and the youth are always in such a rush to get where they are going.  Well, I was..  Even though I didn't know where that was. 

Going back to school as an older student has been really interesting.  I have enjoyed it so much more than I ever did in my youth.  I am interested to learn all this stuff, and able to apply myself so much better.  I am doing what I want to be doing rather than doing homework when I would rather be out hanging out with my friends.  High school seemed like more of a placeholder than anything - somewhere we had to go until our time was up, but that didn't really hold any useful function.  I wish I had been more interested in learning when I was younger, or had someone to point me in the direction of learning.  My husbands family was very much in attendance as regards the kids and their education, and I can see how that has made a big difference in their schooling, both secondary and post secondary.  My mother did not have any post secondary education and despite being an incredibly bright lady (in the 50s when she graduated high school the principal of the school visited my grandparents and told them my mother should be going to college - but my grandparents chose to send my uncle rather than my mother because he was a boy - and they could only afford to send one of their three children) she became embroiled in the life of being a single mother, barely getting through a work day and feeding the kids - making sure we were living up to our potential had to take a back seat..

Everyone's path to their chosen career is so different - I can't imagine where I would be if I had known from an early age what I wanted to do with my life.  I certainly would have the wonderful family that I do now..  And being that I feel I am on the right educational tract for the first time in my life, it makes me wonder if I HAD "known" early on, would it have been the right decision, or would I have even been able to evaluate it as right or wrong at any point??  So many people have second careers these days.. or third careers, or fourth..  I wonder if this is the end for me, or if I will find myself back at school again 15 years down the road...

Week Seven - Chapters 10 & 11

One of the more interesting parts of this section of reading for me was about health and the dichotomy between being in the best health of your life versus putting your body through the hardest (and arguably unnecessary?) health trials. 

The notion that in early adulthood you are at the peak of health and strength, yet this seems to be a period when drinking and smoking seem to be of such importance – is this related to the footloose and fancy free socializing lifestyle that happens because of a new freedom from parental rules?  The remnants of the teenagers sense of immortality is still in evidence at this point. 

Coming out of teenagerhood and likely out of the parental home for the first time, it seems unlikely that a young adult has a particularly healthy diet.  Learning to cook for yourself is a lot of work (that might not seem like a priority when you are starting university and making new friends and have a new sense of freedom without parents monitoring most of your movements…)

Furthermore, I was interested that sensory and visual acuity are at their peak – does this contribute to the appeal of drinking and smoking and possibly doing drugs?  Does it make it more effective to alter your perception at this stage of life?

I admit I was never a heavy drinker and I never smoked (something about watching my mom die of lung cancer…) so I imagine I am a little naïve about the appeal of both.  But in thinking about it, I imagine it did affect my sociability – I didn’t have much interest in partying.  Hanging out with a bunch of drunk people is not that thrilling when you are sober.  And in turn because I didn’t drink or do drugs etc I was not someone who was invited out to many parties…

Anyway interesting readings about this…  Looking forward to hearing some comments on Angel about it all!

Week Six - Chapters 8 & 9

There were a lot of elements of this weeks readings and watchings that were interesting and touched a nerve with me.   I think the teenage years are so potent for everyone - so many things are going on in the body and the brain and in turn in the burgeoning social life - that it is a period that really sticks with people and attachments made and events occurring during this time are things that really stay with a person for the rest of their life, in a particular way that doesn't occur at later periods of life.  Or at least this is something that I have found personally, but my teenage years were a little different than those experienced by the majority - and I don't mean because I am/was so unique..   ;)

Anyway, after doing the Angel post for this week I found myself thinking about some of the other questions and so I decided to continue a little more with one of them..

Do the elements of adolescent egocentrism reflect what you have seen and/or experienced?  Why or why not?  What are some positives of adolescent egocentrism?

I can easily see the elements of adolescent egocentrism in my adolescent self, and it kind of makes my skin crawl at this point of my life - in fact it has for quite a long time - though I know at the time my attitude and feelings seemed the most normal thing in the world.  When I was 17 my mom was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer.  She and I were not particularly close to begin with, and I remember the feeling (though I don’t think it was ever a really concrete thought in these exact terms) that this was just so unfair that it was happening to me, disrupting my “life,” and affecting my social environment at the time.  A particular example of this: I was asked by a friend to go away and visit his family out of town – this was a good friend who I was kind of keen on at the time.  Initially my mom had said I could go, but I guess after thinking about the time frame that I would be gone (for almost a week a little after Christmas) she changed her mind.  I was SO angry, feeling like she was destroying my life, I would never recover, I would never get another chance to hang out with this fellow, and I am sure I said some really horrible things to her.  In retrospect I realize she was dying and likely worried I would be out of town when she did die.  Never mind that overall she didn’t have a lot of time left and likely wanted to spend as much time together as was possible.  So how could I be so clueless at the time?? Being a teen and so wrapped up in my own business I didn’t really think past the fact that my trip was being ruined. Honestly at the time it was difficult to even grasp the notion that she would actually die - but that seems a whole other kettle of fish (and really, as a kid who hadn't lost anyone close to them it probably isn't that odd).  In fact if I had gone away she would have died while I was out of town.  What I am trying to get across, I guess, was that there was just such a disconnect between me, what was interesting/important to me, and my home and family - which SHOULD have been much more important than they felt at the time.  I was not one of those kids who was trying to move out and be on my own or anything, things at my house were very lax because the focus of everyone was that my mom was so sick, so essentially I could do what I wanted most of the time. But is the fact that teens seem often to care so little (and that I cared  so little at such an important and scary time of my life) about their own family a method for easing in to the separation of going it on their own?  It seems to make sense but in a lot of ways it is really disturbing...

Week Five - Chapter 7

I found a lot of this weeks readings especially horrifying.  Particularly the article Parenting: A Lost Art.  With most of the examples in the article there was a reversal of roles, where the children were taking on the adult role of the decision maker (minus the experience) and the parents were acting like children - not wanting to take any responsibility.  I can't imagine the disconnect that has to occur to arrive at a position like that.  Being a pal to your child is great - but how can a parent lost touch with the essential point of parenting - which I interpret as helping to guide your child to grow up to be a responsible and caring adult.  How does being a yes-man get your child there?

Another point that grabbed my attention was in the text and discussed achieving a level of understanding of what others think and that not everyone thinks the same thing.  I have wondered about this because I have a relative who often finds it impossible to understand why people do not think the same as she does.  I don't think she would actually agree with my assessment of her in this (in fact she would likely be hurt that I thought this way) but I have found many times in conversation that she can't accept another viewpoint - she displays such incredulity that I (or someone else) doesn't think her way and even accuses me of playing devil's advocate.  I have wondered about this - she is from a different generation, is that part of it?  Or is it an aging thing, where she is becoming more and more set in her ways and more rigid in her views to the point where she is unable to allow for other views?  Or has she always been this way and just never quite achieved the stage of understanding that people can have different views.

The final thing I wanted to touch on here was in the article in the instructor's notes - the one called Children & Advertising.  In literature and films etc I have often seen examples of how children have been treated in days gone by - or at least how they might have been treated, since these were fictional accounts, though supposedly based on historical data.  The article mentions that up until the mid 19th century children were seen and not heard - they were often considered "uninteresting, merely tolerated, frequently ignored" which led me to the (thoughtless?) question "well why were people having them??"  Of course there was less choice in the matter in the past.  No birth control to speak of, this was the major role of women, who had no choice really. Which then led me to ask why the article and various media and history were trying to say there was less attachment formed between parents and their children than there is today, and it kind of boggled my mind that it came down to child mortality.  Parents wouldn't want to be attached to their kids when there was such a high possibility of the child dying.  Scary thought.  A while ago I was reading the Game of Thrones series, and even in this example of fantasy literature the characters did not name their children for the first two years of life because it was deemed bad luck - so many children died before reaching their 2nd birthday that it wasn't worth it to name them.  Yikes.  With the amount of energy and emotion that goes in to being pregnant and giving birth I can't imagine being in the situation where it was more than likely that you would lose so many of your children to disease or injury or whatever.  Makes me feel tired just thinking about it..

Week Four - Chapter 6

This week had so much that seems applicable to my own life that it is hard to know where to start.

Schooling is on my mind a lot these days - for my kids I mean.  My daughter has been going to a Montessori Preschool for 2 years and I have been so happy with her learning progress and the way they approach teaching.  She has been very happy in the school too.  Coming into Kindergarten I felt she needed more to occupy her time, but I didn't want to take her out of her final year at this school (it is only Preschool and Kindergarten - and Montessori methods tend to deal in sets of 3 years).  A very good friend is the Kindergarten teacher in our public school district.  So I ended up talking to them about having my daughter go there in the morning (though it is a full time program) and to the Montessori in the afternoon.  So I have lately been in a position to compare the two programs.  Mainly what I have to say is AAARRGGGGHHHHHHH...  I would dearly love to keep my daughter in Montessori for her entire elementary school education, but costs are prohibitive.  However when I look at what she is getting at the public school I just want to cry.  It makes me feel like I am selling her future down the river.  There are just too many kids for one teacher, and many of the kids are not even at a Kindergarten level.  My daughter has been reading simple books for the better part of the last year, but now she is spending her time at school learning the alphabet.  The public school system has so many parameters that it cannot meet the needs of most kids and tends to serve the kids who are struggling more than anyone else.  I don't know how to fix this or if it is even possible to fix it..  But it was really helpful to read about elementary education in this section of our reading.  I just wish there was a magic answer in the pages of our textbook!

One other thing that I thought about as I was reading the section on reading comprehension was this email I received a while ago.  Probably everyone has seen it, it surely was doing the rounds.. It involves reading a sentence and counting a certain letter.  Here is a link to the test..  Anyway, I was amazed at the results of the test and wondered if it had something to do with reading the actual words - so I asked my daughter who is only just learning to read to do the test, but despite being unable to read half the words, she still had the same results with the test...  I thought that was interesting anyway..  Not sure what it means!