Wow, the final week of class. It went by so quickly!
After reading this chapter I was thinking about a movie I saw a few years ago - One True Thing.. Not the greatest movie of all time, but there were many elements of the movie that resonated with me and have stayed with me over time. Largely I guess was the process of losing your mother to cancer, watching it happen.. This wasn't my experience so much, I was much younger when I lost my mom, but it still touched on some points. One of the things I liked about the film is that the main character only really comes to know and respect her mother on the cusp of losing her, and at the same time, her father who she had held in high regard, ceases to be on such a pedestal and becomes human. It was a portrait of how life-changing illness and death can be, and while death is often very sad, there are some positive things that can come out of such an intense process.
The other thing that this movie and the text touched on was euthanasia - something I have thought a great deal about after watching my mother's decline and and wondering why she never considered this option. I never asked her about it when she was sick - in fact I can't really say I ever thought about it when she was sick.. I am not entirely sure I actually believed she would die, even though we were told she was terminal. I imagine she didn't want to leave my sister and I any earlier than she had to, but in retrospect I wish I had talked to her about it. But then there are so many things I wish I had talked to her about - or had the chance to talk to her about. (I digress) I have never understood the oppostion to euthanasia for terminal patients. I am not a religious person, so maybe that is where my lack of understanding lies. It just seems cruel to allow people to suffer when they don't need to. (And to accumulate massive hospital bills...)
I am not sure if I am afraid of dying or not. I don't relish the idea of being in a lot of pain.. Like I said, I am not religious and my notion of the afterlife is more a lack, an unbeing.. But this is something of a comfort to me rather than the idea that we go on and on. The only thing I can really say is that I am scared of leaving my kids.. Of course they are really little right now and once they are grown I won't feel so worried about it, but I think having my mom die early has made me a little worried about leaving my kids. It wasn't so great once she died, there didn't seem to be any plan for where my sister and I would live and there was a great deal of upheaval and no sense of security.. That would never happen with my kids, but still I have that worry.. Being at midlife has brought the idea of more time behind me than in front of me, and of attempting to make the most of my life every day. I am happier now than I have ever been, which is pretty fantastic..
Anyway I will stop rambling.. Thanks for the class! It was really interesting and enlightening! I am sure I will take parts of it with me to use in the future... :)
Thanks for sharing such a personal story. I too was young when loosing my mother (30) if that's young.... But I felt such a loss of life and made me consider even more what would happen if I am ever in that position and what would happen to my daughter. Thankfully, all things are in place if anything should ever happen to myself or her father, but what a scary thought all together!
ReplyDeleteI think you are always too young to lose your mom. There is just no one (even a dad, though he comes close) who loves you like your mom.. :)
ReplyDeleteI enjoy the movies ability to paint a picture of how death is really more often than not about the living. The mother's character and guidance held precedence only with the arrival of her death. It plays into the idea that when living, our influences are changeable and adaptable, so we are less likely to adhere to the ideas that are given to us. But with death, we often honor that person by integrating what was good about them into our own actions. It's interesting how even in death, we influence one another.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I mentioned in my homegroup post is how interesting it is that in the spectrum of the infinite, in the realm of all known time and possible future, we spend an unfathomably larger amount of time being dead than we do being alive. It is incalculably small. I'm not religious either, but that makes you think doesn't it? Perhaps we are just a blip in the radar of time..
I've also always been one for euthanasia. But the thing is, after hearing your story, I wonder if I would ever take that option for someone I cared about. There is always that small glimmer of hope that a “miracle” could happen—that small chance that the moment you decide to 'pull the plug', might be the same moment that person could have recovered. But in a lot of cases, recovery doesn't really mean much.
All in all I think people should have the right to choose death. The anti-euthanasia movement is largely based off religious fundamentals—but that's the tricky thing—not everyone is religious.